Queries: 75
Requests: 0
In my inbox: stuff Jenny is sending

As most of you probably already know, The Rappaport Agency is CLOSED TO SUBMISSIONS, which means this is my last Slush Stats post. (Are you sad? I kind of am.) I will still be doing the Query Project every week, and might bump it up to twice a week sometimes since I won't have regular slush.

I'm still with the agency through the end of the year, helping with the last of the submissions in Jenny's inbox. If you're waiting to hear on something, you should hear before the new year.

So, a couple end of my job stats:

Queries read: 5468
Partials requested: 139
Fulls requested: 25
Fulls sent to Jenny: 9
Authors Jenny offered to: 5 (1 on a full I sent, 2 on partials, 2 on queries -- Jenny read partials and fulls of these)*
Authors who got representation elsewhere (that I know of!): 5 (one of those had 2 mss I requested fulls of and sent to Jenny)
Notes people have sent back (kind and otherwise): 600

Those stats are for about a year's worth of slush, since The Rappaport Agency began. They don't count queries while we were with L. Perkins. Those used a different email system.

*Writers whose work is still being held hostage will probably be going like this about now: O.O These numbers don't quite add up. I know. It's because of the writers who zoomed through with queries and partials. Don't worry. We haven't forgotten about you. <3

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Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

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#27

Dear Ms. Meadows,

Drew McKinney hated living in Pine Ridge, NC. But she liked it a lot better than being dead there. [Hah! Love the first line.]

Local football hero Cooper Finnegan, AKA Finn, is hiding two secrets -- he's completely in love with a girl who can't stand him and he sees dead people. [I'm probably not the only one who thinks of THE SIXTH SENSE when seeing the line "dead people." Just so you know.]

Drew and Finn need to work together to protect Drew from a soul-eating fog and to find a way to bring her back into the world of the living. But can they stop bickering long enough to do it? [Hrm. I really like the idea behind this -- it has a lot of conflict potential -- but I feel like I'm being thrown in with little explanation. Soul-eating fog? How do they get stuck together (aside from him being the only person who can see her), and why do they hate each other? Or is she the girl he's in love with who can't stand him?]

The Smoky Mountain fog covers a landscape rich in ghost stories. My grandfather, a native of a small town much like the fictitious setting of my novel, filled my early years with stories given to him by his mother, stories that still send shivers down my spine. Drew's tale is a lighter ghost story meant to entertain rather than frighten, but I'm still proud to continue this family tradition. [This is sweet, but I'd cut all this and use this space to tell more about your story. This isn't important for me to know when I'm considering asking for pages.]

SHADOW, a young adult paranormal romance aimed at older teens, runs an estimated seventy-seven thousand words. [I, too, am a fan of spelling out words. But you should write the numbers here so a quick skim will see them.] It is a stand alone novel, but I would very much like to continue into a series featuring Drew's future involvement with Shadow.

I write to you because I am attracted to the personal atmosphere of a boutique agency and because my story contains ferrets, which your journal and your twitter timeline indicate you are fond of. Thank you for taking the time to read this query, I appreciate your consideration. Should you wish to read any or all of SHADOW, I would naturally be happy to send it to you. [This paragraph is nice, but notice how all your real life stuff is longer than your story blurb. Think about 200 words for the story, and 50 words for the rest.]


Sincerely,

ladyhedgehog

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#28

Dear Jodi,

Having fallen in love with the can-do atmosphere and friendly nature of your journal, I was hoping that my novel Pleasure and Death would be of interest to you. Completed at 80,000 words it is a blend of steampunk and sword and sorcery (without the swords, of course; it is set in an alternate England, in 1854 and 1912). [Great opening. (I happen to think swords are appropriate for any setting, though.)]

Doing the right thing is often hard. Sometimes it involves doing the complete opposite of what you want. Lady Matilda Raleigh discovered that 15 years ago when she gave up the life she loved to raise her grandson. It was her daughter's dying wish, and it was Matilda's fault she died. [I like the ideas behind this, but something doesn't sit quite right for me. Maybe it could be punchier?]

Sometimes doing the right thing is incredibly painful, as Matilda discovers when she saves King Edward from the clockwork-powered robot that tries to assassinate him. She loses three and a half fingers, and a part of her thumb, and ends up with her hand amputated. [Okay, I think it might be the structure or the way things are introduced. It's mostly facts about the story and character's backstory, rather than character and conflicts and stakes. I think this *can* work, but in this case, it isn't for me.]

Sometimes doing the right involves doing an act so evil your very soul screams at the injustice of it. When Prince John takes control of the 13 crystal skulls of the ancient Incans, and gains almost God-like powers of invulnerability and unlimited wealth, Matilda must stand against him. She is 72, recently maimed, and critically ill with TB. [This is where it starts getting interesting. You've given us short facts about Matilda, and given her something to fight against in the *now*.] But she has two advantages, the demon possessed revolvers, Eros and Thanetos (Pleasure and Death in Ancient Greek, where the book gets its name) and a plan to stop him. [Good good.]

She summons the demon that has hunted for her for the past five decades and offers it a deal [I just went back to see if the demon was mentioned before. It's really random.] – take her soul now, or sink the Titanic [Where did the Titanic come from?] and take her soul, and the souls of everyone else who goes down with the ship. Matilda knows one thing; Prince John's unlimited wealth comes in the form of the Midas Touch, and when the ship goes down, he will be encased in a solid block of gold sea water.

But what she didn't know was that every sacrifice increases the powers of the demon it is dedicated to, and she has just given the demon, Sephyr, enough power to overthrow Lucifer and perhaps, even, to defeat the angelic host. [This is really interesting. But I'm afraid things seem so random here, it's hard to tell where the story's focus is.]

Matilda goes down with the Titanic, of course, dying as a hero should. [So she doesn't stop the demon from taking over everything?] Further books are planned (each one a self-contained story) telling adventures from other points in her life. [There's some cool ideas in this, but the query is really unfocused and hard to follow.]

Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Chris

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#29

Dear Jodi,

Getting everything you wish for might sound like a dream, but seventeen-year-old Devon Zanis knows better. [Nice beginning.] Every time she slips up and makes a wish, things go horribly wrong. For example: while bored in history class, she wishes to be anywhere but there … and the school catches fire. [Hurrah things on fire!] Add to that the fact that seeing her ex-boyfriend with someone else makes her damn near homicidal and life is a little too interesting. Things only get worse when, one night after a party, she makes a foolish wish for someone to love her. [Uh oh! Okay, so far I love this. The paragraph is focused and easy to follow, with just enough details to give me strong images. Good!]

It soon becomes apparent that hazardous wishes are the least of Devon’s problems. She’s got one teacher doing his best to freeze her to death (how is he doing that, anyways?) and another who claims she’s the love of his life. On top of that, someone has been creeping around her house at night and she’s pretty sure it’s not to bring her flowers. [Things are looking a little unfocused here. I was looking for more about a love spell gone wrong story, but this paragraph has the same quirky chaos as the first paragraph. (It was good there. Here, the story needs to start focusing.)]

But what Devon doesn’t know just might get her killed. [This transition doesn't quite work for me.] It all comes back to the father she’s never met; the leader of the oldest djinn clan. [This is a fun way for wish powers gone wrong to come about.] The time to acknowledge her as a member of the clan approaches, and there are those who aren’t pleased to have a half breed diluting the bloodlines they’ve cultivated for centuries. Devon’s caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. If she doesn’t go through with the ceremony, she’ll have no protection from those who want her dead, but the price for her acknowledgment might just be more than she’s willing to pay. [Okay, so the story isn't about a love wish gone wrong. It's about her heritage and whether or not she'll embrace it. I think that wasn't obvious from the first paragraph because of the stress (paragraph ender) on her wishing for someone to love her. I think this is a good start, though.]

My young adult novel, DOWN THE WISHING WELL, [Love this title.] is complete at 68,000 words. Sample chapters and a synopsis are available upon request.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,
Katee Robert
redqueen1

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How to submit: ( Clicky )

Queries: 101
Requests: 1 upper YA
In my inbox: 3 partials

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Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

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#24

Dear Ms. Meadows:

When Sabrina moves to England, she gets more than she bargained for [Watch for cliches, especially in the opening sentence.] when she meets the man who has been appearing to her in her dreams. After she gets over the shock of seeing Isaac outside of her admittedly vivid imagination, she begins to wonder how he’s able to get into her mind in the first place. [This seems a little too tame. If someone I'd been dreaming about suddenly appeared in my waking life, I'd go straight into panic and trying to figure out what was going on. The sentence doesn't reflect that panic.] The shocking answers catapult her into a world where ruthless creatures roam freely alongside unsuspecting humans, and battle lines are clearly drawn. [Neat.]

As they embark on a dangerous and passionate affair, Sabrina realizes that a bitter enemy intent on revenge from Isaac's past will stop at nothing to remove her from Isaac’s arms. Permanently. In order to establish a foreseeable and solid future, it becomes obvious that Sabrina must ultimately deal with a tumultuous past. As she navigates a shadowy world she has never known existed, Sabrina must fight for her newfound love…and her life. [I know personal stakes don't get much bigger, but I feel like something is missing here. Like we're seeing one leg of the plot -- the romantic one -- but not the other. ]

Reclaimed is a romantic suspense manuscript that is complete at 88,000 words. I saw from your blog that I read regularly [Snip "that I read regularly"] that you were interested in romance novels, and I hope you find mine to your liking.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Jennifer McLaughlin
http://jennifermclaughlin.wordpress.com/

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#25

Dear Jodi,

I was recommended by a friend to contact you as you represent both horror and science fiction. [This is a fake query, so okay. But if it was real, you should name the person who recommended you. Chances are they'd have emailed to let me know ahead of time, but just in case...] I hope that my first novel, tentatively titled Picking Up the Pieces, will be of interest to you. [Don't forget genre and wordcount.]


Matthew Caldey is a brilliant paramedic with a bright future career ahead of him, [Note what I said about cliches in the last query.] until he fails to save his partner’s wife and fellow paramedic, [Whups. And a clarity issue: is the partner's wife a fellow paramedic? Or is the fellow paramedic a different person? It could go either way.] in a traumatic deep space rescue gone horribly wrong. His confidence shaken by this tragic event, Matt returns to the EMS Academy on Earth to teach new recruits, the only job he feels is ‘safe to do’ anymore, vowing never to wear the uniform or go into space again... [Why ellipses?]

Following the death of his wife, Gary McAlliskey [So the story's about both of these guys. Okay.] has gone to McKinley Station, in high orbit of Kelder Prime, to finish work on their joint project: a Deep Space Rescue Cruiser, the first of its kind that will revolutionise deep space rescue. Gary is determined to finish the DSRC as a final tribute to his late wife, even at the expense of his own health and wellbeing, perhaps even that of his family... [What's with the ellipses?]

Still learning to cope with the loss of their mother, fifteen year old Imogen McAlliskey and her two younger siblings are that very family. [And it's them too? Okay, I admit, I was hoping for more space travel and explosions and daring rescues, rather than lots of people dealing with backstory death.] Realising that her father’s feverish attempts to complete his project could well be the last thing he ever does, Imogen calls old family friend Matt Caldey, begging him to visit McKinley to help her desperately try to convince her father that life is for living, not just remembering the dead… [You've now used up your year's supply of ellipses.]

Trainee paramedic Danielle Townend [This is getting longer and longer with a bunch of new characters. This needs to be much shorter. More concise and focused on what the story is about. Daring space rescue? People dealing with death? Choose a couple characters and focus on them, rather than the entire cast.] is approaching graduation from the EMS Academy. Born and raised on the council estates of West Yorkshire by a disinterested addict mother and an absent father, Danni has long awaited to escape her squalid roots and make something of herself. Intrigued by the tales of the exploits of her newest tutor, Matt Caldey, Danni realises her destiny is to go far, farther than she'd ever imagined...

For Matt, Gary, Imogen and Danni, a turning point is fast approaching in their lives. Each has been given a chance to move on from their dark past, into an uncertain future. One wishes to take this chance with both her hands, naively unaware of the consequences. One blindly refuses to forget the losses of his past. One wishes she didn't have to choose. And one is painfully aware that if he refuses to choose, the consequences for all of them could be disastrous. Brought together in deep space, the four of them must work as a team to fight their respective inner demons, and quickly learn that when picking up the pieces of other people's lives, they must first be able to rescue their own. [This is way too long and explainy. We need more about the story, less about the characters' individual journeys. It starts off with some good stuff, but gets off focus quickly.]


In writing, I love the horror, science and alternative fiction genres. I do not like "splatterpunk," but fully believe that blood and gore can be used to good effect. I have worked in a comprehensive school with 11-16 year olds with special educational needs, volunteered for St John Ambulance for thirteen years, and worked as a medic alongside paramedics for five years. [The only part of this that's necessary is that you worked as a medic, which can give your story a sense of authenticity.] I currently work in a large, local DIY store to pay the bills while finally concentrating on my writing. The online Short Story Group helped me sharpen my skills, before moving on to become a moderator with another online writing group, the Literary Den. I was a contributor to, and lead editor for, the LitDen's anthology of members' work in 2008, and am currently reprising this role for 2009. [And only the editor part is necessary out of this.]

Picking Up The Pieces is the first in a series of space-based medical fiction novels, revolving around the characters I have described here. [I think this is very telling. You said you've described the characters. Not the story. While compelling characters will keep me reading something I might otherwise not, I do need to have a sense of the story while I'm reading the query. Which I don't have here.] It is a completed 150,000 word manuscript, which I can forward to you, in whole or in part, should you be interested in reading further.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Sincerely yours,
Andy Walker
http://www.terrierandy7.com

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#26

Dear Jodi,

Rochelle had never dreamed of the past before, let alone travel into the future. Things like this never entered Rochelle's quiet, lonely life. [The first sentence is strong. This one says the same thing, and not nearly as snappily.] She had grown up in the foster care system because her mother died giving birth to her, and her father and brother had left before she was even born. Now Rochelle is living on her own, and realizes how mundane life really can become. [Same thing with this last sentence. Since you've repeated yourself twice within the first paragraph, I'd worry the manuscript has this problem, too.]

Her life gets turned upside down though, when Michael, a handsome British aristocrat, and his four friends come into the picture. [Same thing about cliches as the other two queries. Life turning upside down. Someone coming into the picture. Both cliches.] She is so intrigued by them, mainly because of the violet eyes they share with her. [Violet eyes (do they wear contacts? Eyes are not naturally violet) aren't a compelling enough reason to be "so intrigued" with someone. Do they do something weird? Do they behave oddly?] Not to mention the connection she shares with Michael. [What kind of connection?] As she gets closer to them, [How do they get closer? Are they thrown into mortal peril together? Do they overcome ancient evils together? (If that doesn't get you close to someone, I don't know what will!) Give short, specific examples. So far this is all really vague.] the more she learns about herself, friendship, and love. But as Rochelle learns of her past will she be able to accept who she really is? [This query is mostly vague. I don't feel like I know anything about the story. The most specific example of anything is people's violet eyes, and that doesn't tell me much.]

Tempus Viator is a 72,000 word work of young adult fantasy fiction. [I can't see the fantasy element in the query. Are they vampires? Selkies? Krakens? You've hidden the fantasy element so completely I can't even guess. (Except from the title. I'd guess something to do with time.)] This is my first novel and I would be happy to send the full manuscript upon your request. Thanks for your time and consideration. The first three pages are below as requested.

Sincerely,
Joy D. Wilson
http://joydwilson.blogspot.com/

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I've posted this before, but this seems like a good time for a reminder.

Here are the four things your query blurb needs to have.

1. Your protag and their problem
2. What they're going to do about that problem
3. Conflicts that keep them from achieving their goal
4. Stakes: what happens if they don't succeed. (Why the reader should care.)

The story part of your query (not the title/genre/credits) should be about 150-200 words. I tend to set mine up in this three paragraph structure:

1st paragraph: Introduction to the character and their problems. What they're going to do about it. (This paragraph gets the reader invested in the character and his/her story.)

2nd paragraph: Introduces complications and possibly another character. Things get worse. Worldbuilding tidbits are awesome.

3rd paragraph: Big bad or big onoes! is revealed. Big stakes. Character has to make an impossible choice. Reader shouldn't be able to see a way out. Reader should need to read the story to find out what happens.

Now, that's just how I do it, and I don't follow it religiously or anything. The structure is made to be played with. But if you're not sure where to start, hopefully that will help you with a foundation.

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How to submit: ( Clicky )

Queries: 124
Requests: 3: 2 YA fantasy and 1 one mystery (not genre, just a mystery) submission via Jenny
In my inbox: 1 partial

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Yeah, boring slush stats today since I was gone and didn't have time to get a query project ready.

Queries: 91
Requests: 0
In my inbox: A couple emails on hold for Jenny.

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I'm sure people are noticing there haven't been any requests lately. Some of it's had to do with the query service (which seems to have stopped now), but a lot of times, great queries* come in waves. If you'll remember a few weeks ago, I had more requests than I could deal with. I have no doubt things will start to pick up again. :)

*Which is not to say that queries lately can't have been great. They have to be right for the agency too.

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Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet (unless otherwise noted). These are my reactions as I read them.

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#22 - I've read this one before.

Dear Jodi Meadows:

Selia knows better, she’s heard the stories, but she can’t leave the wounded man to die [This makes her likable.] —even if he is a Svistra and her enemy. [This too, though I do notice the foreign word perhaps more than you want me to.] Her rescue sparks a chain of events that will alter the destinies of both peoples and leaves her heart torn between love and allegiance. [Hm, I like the ideas, but it feels a little short to me. There's room here to expand. Selia's actions tell me a lot about her, but I don't yet feel like I know her -- who she is or what she does.]

Jaden believes that the imminent war between human and Svistra can be avoided but he is a minority voice among his people. [I think what's missing for me is a reason for the war. I don't need a long answer, just something like religion or land? Betrayal?] When a human woman saves his life, it only confirms his stand and gives him someone to fight for; but will he sacrifice love for peace?

The Devil You Know is a 100,000-word paranormal story of love that transcends race, and even species.

I have edited several manuscripts for an author now published by Bantam Spectra and host a blog that discusses writing and editing skills. [This is more impressive if you can mention the author's name (and the author doesn't mind). ] I am also an active member of several writers’ workshops. [Name the well known ones.]

An electronic publishing house recently contracted one of my romantic short stories. It will be published later this year. [Again, be specific. Which house? If you don't name names, I start thinking you're hiding something. (Usually when people don't specify who published their last book, the "publisher" was PublishAmerica. I know that's not the case here, but...]

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon. [Snip the "hope to hear from you soon. Generally, we're going as fast as we can.]

Shawna Thomas
http://writermomof5.wordpress.com/

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#23

Dear Jodi,

Thank you for inviting me to make a submission to the Rappaport Agency on Live Journal this week. [That's some personalization. (As long as you know this isn't a real submission.)] As per your submission guidelines, please find included within the body of this email, a synopsis and the first five pages of my 90,000-word sci-fi thriller, Waking up Jack Thunder.

Only Special Agent Jack Thunder can identify a CIA traitor and locate $3bn in missing drug money. [These are great stakes, but not my kind of thing at all. Unless the drug dealers are evil unicorns and the traitor is a double agent from Faerie. Heh.] Trouble is, a failed mission left him in a coma, [Oh bummer.] so the Agency turns to Bobby Newton, a shy scientist whose invention enables comatose patients to communicate with the outside world (secretly using his own brain as a conduit). [Okay, that's cool. I'm on board now.]

All goes well until masked gunmen sabotage the procedure, leaving Bobby for dead. [Double bummer.] He wakes up to find his patient gone, his lab destroyed, and Thunder’s copied brain patterns stuck inside his head. Not knowing who to trust, Bobby goes on the run. Hunted by the CIA and a ruthless drug baron, his only chance of survival is Jack Thunder himself, who appears at his side like a ghostly hologram which only he can see. [Okay, this is all really cool stuff. However, and maybe this is my ignorance of thrillers showing, I'm not feeling a personal connection to any of these people. Their situation is interesting, but I don't feel like I know these people at all.]

I was born in England, but moved to the USA in 2004. My work has appeared at Every Day Fiction. I’m an active member of the Garden State Horror Writers and the Monmouth Creative Writers’ Group.

Thank you for considering my work.

jongibbs

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How to submit: ( Clicky )

Queries: 137
Requests: 0
In my inbox: 1 partial

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A new query service has discovered us. I'm seeing lots of queries for genres Jenny doesn't represent, as well as duplicates addressed to Amy. (Who STILL DOESN'T WORK HERE, but some genius attributed her name to one of Jenny's email addresses, so we get her slush. Apostrophes help that person if I ever find out who they are.)

I think I've also mentioned that the query service queries are always formatted the same way, too.

Friends don't let friends use query services.

And a lot of agents' take on this is: if you're too lazy to query yourself, they're too lazy to bother replying. (I do reply, but so far I've only replied with rejections.)

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Character names.

Here are a few that won't be usable for at least a decade, maybe longer:

Bella
Edward

Here are a few I see a lot:

Christian
Damon
Dante
Damian
Gabriel

I could even tell you the alignment of these characters, too.

If you're not sure what to name your bad guy with a heart of gold (only redeemable by the heroine's pure love), spend some time at behindthename.com, rather than going with Dante. Please.

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No query project today. All queried out.

Queries: 88
Requests: 0
In my inbox: 3 partials

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Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

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#18

Dear Jodi,

I've been following your blog, and I appreciate all you have to share about slushing and ferrets. [She does read my blog!] Please consider Seeing Ior-Raimah, my 70,000 word YA fantasy.

Gianna is a confident young member of the courier's guild, in a land where dragons and supernatural forces have long been relegated to fairy tales. But then she hears the words look again, and everything changes. [I feel like this could use a bit of snappification. There's a good idea behind this, but it's buried. This part should drag me in and make me meed to read the rest of the query.]

She discovers that someone is trying to kidnap her. She starts seeing things that no one else sees--things straight out of her mother's stories, like dragons and writhing, ghostlike shadows that cling to oblivious victims. [These are neat. I like the ideas behind this. But I'm having the same problem as before. The writing isn't conveying a sense of urgency. Someone is trying to kidnap her...and what? We don't find out. She doesn't react to it. It's just gone. She sees things that shouldn't be real...and what? Still nothing from our heroine. What is *she* doing about this? So far the story is happening to her and she's not doing anything.] And she meets Rys--a young man who will tell her almost nothing about himself, other than that he was sent to save her life. [He's got more action than she does so far.]

Rys discovers that what once appeared to be a simple task, isn't. He can deal with kidnappers and spies wielding swords and knives, but protecting Gianna from the otherworldly forces that hunt her is considerably more difficult--especially since he can't see any of them. [This paragraph is awesome. Rys is a do-er. He's (sort of) got things under control. Nothing happens TO him. He goes to save her life. He fights off kidnappers and spies. Gianna isn't doing anything, though, and while I should be rooting for her, I'm not. I just have no idea who she is, and no reason to root for her if she's not going to take part in her own story. There are some excellent ideas in this, but in my experience, lots of readers are character readers, especially in this genre. Make me care about Gianna.]

My writing experience includes writing and publishing a home decorating ezine for 25,000 subscribers for four years, [Now this is an impressive reader count, but mostly if they'll buy your book. If they won't, nothing but related writing credits are necessary.] an inspirational blog I've kept for the last three years, and a short story recently e-published with Freya's Bower in their sweet anthology. [Like this one.] I am a member of the Celtic Hearts chapter of RWA, Romance Divas, and the Mid-Ohio Writer's Association.

Below are the first five pages and my synopsis as per your website guidelines.


- Kathleen <><
http://www.KathleenMacIver.com

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--The next two are more intentionally bad queries from our dear (deranged) friend cathemery.

#19

Get ready to read the best book you've ever read! [I'm sure it will be very special.] WHILE I SLEPT is a thriller/fantasy with gore, sex, enough plot to stuff an elephant, [Sounds messy.] and beautifully drawn characters!!! [And the world's supply of exclamation points. The rest of us will have to ration.]

First, Naya Smith discovers she has NARCOLEPSY, [I assume this is all caps for EMPHASIS.] a disease where you sleep too much and can't wake up. [Err.] She sets up cameras and recorders thoughout her house so she can keep track of what her family is doing while she sleeps for hours, [Creepy.] and even days! [What if she has to pee? I guess this is where the gore comes in.] When she wakes up and plays those tapes, she finds out all their GUILTY SECRETS. [YES I'M SURE.]

I know about narcolepsy because I read a lot and watch a lot of tv, [U R so clever.] especially eductional programming and real life shows like Survivor. [*wince*] I have modeled my characters after some of the Surviviors so they will attract readers, too. [*wince*] At the back of the book is a recommended cast list for when we sell the rights to Hollywood. [*wince*]

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#20

I am not going to write an ordinary query letter because I don't think this is an ordinary book. [I'm sure it's not.] WATCHMAN is a fantasy novel with a young girl who dreams of an older man who makes and repairs watches. [That's creepy, but not bad. At least he's not watching her sleep.] As she grows up, he gets younger, and when she starts menstruating, she starts to dream of him in bed with her. [And now we've entered creepyville.]

When she finds herself pregnant, [Yikes.] she starts leaving notes in bed for him to find. . . and he starts writing back. [Even though they've been having some quality horizontal time, this is the first time they've decided to talk to each other? Via notes? She can't just stop in the middle of it and say, "BTW there's a baby. Let's talk about child support."?] Over the next nine months she learns his story --- and hers --- in bits and pieces. [Through notes in the bed...probably all crumpled up by now.] Who the man turns out to be will astonish readers and whet their appetites for the sequel, WATCHMAN RETURNS. I know you will be eager to read it when you have finished WATCHMAN! [*wince*]

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#21

Dear Jodie, [...]

I am seeking representation for my 176,309 word fiction novel called “Vampire Elves of America.” [Oh apostrophes.] It will appeal to fans of Lord of the Rings and Twilight, with some Star Trek thrown in (the android parts.) [Hang on while I get my box of tissues.]

Alexandria Bellatrice [...] is an ordinary high school girl. Or so she thinks. [I doubt she thinks.] When a freak car accident melds her mind with the car’s anti-collision system, [But she WAS ordinary (aside from the name) until this point.] she wakes up in the hospital only to discover that she has extra-sensory spacial perception and can perceive stuff in all the space around her—without using her five senses. [That's actually kind of cool, except for the useless anti-collision part that doesn't make sense.]

When a black ops arm of the CIA rapidly learns about her powers, they recruit her to hunt the evil vampire elves that are steadfastly terrorizing the forests, plains, and beaches of America. [*Dies a little*] As her vampire elf hunting skills grow, so do her breasts, [So when she's an expert, she's going to have back problems.] and more and more guys start to pay her lots of attention. [Goodness. I'm sure.] But she only has eyes for Megolas, [On the weekends, he goes by Megatron. ] the hot vampire elf who always seems to get the best of her as they meet in battle over and over and over and over again. [And over?]

When Megolas is captured by the evil vampire elf lord, [Even though he's a supposedly evil vampire elf.] Alexandria must choose between love and loyalty to her country. Should she rescue Megolas from the evil vampire elf lord? Or let him die? [Tough choice! Maybe...she should have the car taken out of her head, and reduction surgery on her breasts? (This is how Megolas beats her all the time. She can't fight around them.)] Should she use him as bait to defeat the evil vampire elf lord? Or let him be torn apart in the evil naked flesh-rending ritual of the evil vampire elf lord whose name is Vordemir? All these questions—and more—will be answered. [I'm going to be thinking in pseudo-suspenseful questions all day.]

I have published 17 novels with Publish America, and I was their 14th best-selling novelist in January of 2003. [*wince*] Everyone agrees that “Vampire Elves of America” is my best book yet. [I'm sure they're right, too.] I have attached it with this email. I have also attached my query list, an outline of my merchandising plan, and a sample silk screen for my “real vampires hug trees” t-shirt. [I'll take the shirt and send the rest back.]

Please contact me as soon as possible so we can discuss our contract. If I hear from you within two days, I'll send you a free t-shirt (signed, of course.) [What if I respond with a rejection? Do I still get a shirt?]

Loff,
raecarson :)

--

How to submit: ( Clicky )

Queries: 140
Requests: 2 partials: UF, and YA/UF
In my inbox: 2 partials, 3 fulls

Looks like I need to get to these fulls this week. 'Swhat I get for taking a couple weeks off to read books with covers.

--

Since the announcement on Tuesday, I've gotten so many comments and emails wishing me good luck and saying they'll miss the slush stats. A couple of you got me kind of teary, too.

Here's my plan:

-I will keep doing slush stats until Jenny hires and trains a new person and/or my contract is up, which will be at the end of this year.

-All my posts under the somewhat permanent madness tag will stay open and available for anyone who wants to read them. Just like the temporary madness tag.

-The query project will continue on a weekly basis. Or perhaps I will bump it up to twice a week since I'll have so much free time. Hah. Either way, the query project will continue.

That said! If you have a query with me for the project and don't want me to post it after I'm no longer an official slush reader, now is your chance to email me so I can delete it from the queue.

--

Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, unless otherwise noted, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

--

#16

Dear Jodi,

I'm submitting my young-adult fantasy novel HARROWDOWNE CITY, complete at 43,000 words, [This is pretty short, but okay. Maybe it's lower YA? Closer to MG?] for your consideration.

Penelope Tweed just wants to cook good food; keep your magic, wizards, and fairies, thank you. [Something about the rhythm of this feels off. I'd actually switch these phrases (and lose the semicolon) to start with more of a punch. Rejecting magic and so on hooks me more than cooking, because my immediate question is, "Why?".] But when a wizard kills her boss and the only way to avoid joining his fate is faery magic, her culinary career starts looking a bit uncertain. [This made me smile.] And [I have the same disease that makes me start sentences with conjunctions. But we should try to avoid it where possible.] the wizard is having job issues too: he's supposed to usher in Hell On Earth. It doesn't bode well that he can't kill a kid cook. Better keep trying until he learns the trick. [The focus switched here. It started out as Penelope's story, and changed to the wizard's in these last two sentences.]

Penelope flees across a world which darkly mirrors our own but where magic, electricity, fairies and scientists have no trouble co-existing. [This sentence was meh for me.] Along the way, she befriends a failed playwright who might have won the Faery Queen's heart and a witch who might be the long-lost ruler of their kingdom. Nice, but not much help if you just want a quiet life. [This paragraph is meh for me. Nothing is happening. This is all transitional stuff. The stakes aren't rising. At this point, I'd worry the middle of the book reflected this paragraph.]

Things get really complicated [*cheers*] when it looks like Hell is preparing to launch a new offensive into Earth [Super!] and Penelope is the only one in the way. [But why? How? I haven't been given a reason to think she's special, other than she's Our Heroine.] Is Penelope just one immensely unlucky girl or the appointed guardian of Heaven, Hell and all the worlds in-between? [There's a lot packed into this sentence and I don't understand the conflicts and complications it presents. I'd rather hear about this than the traveling in the middle paragraph.] And is there any way she can find out positively, absolutely for sure before actually, you-know, challenging the King of Hell to a battle. [I like the idea behind this sentence, because it implies levity in an otherwise potentially bleak story. I don't like it being a question. (I don't like the one before it being a question, either. I want definite statements.) There's some nice humor in this, but there needs to be more focus: character, conflict, and stakes.]

I would be happy to send a partial or complete manuscript of HARROWDOWNE CITY for you to review. Thank you for your time.

--

#17 (I've read this before.)

Dear Slush Princess, [Finally someone who acknowledges this.]

Alex Harbinger’s geeky [Wednesday is SUCH a nerd. Friday talks about it behind its back. And Tuesday has a pocket protector. (I don't think days can be geeky.)] days as a smartass IT engineer ended the day the spaceships appeared. [This sentence could be snappier. It's a great idea, but the sentence is floppy.] Now he is a Teleck, able to do amazing and scary things with his mind. [I'd rather have specific examples than "amazing and scary".] Spurned by his own government, and hunted by aliens, Alex hides by keeping his abilities a secret. [This would seem more dire if we had examples of what he could do.]

When a criminal almost murders a woman, [Almost isn't as exciting as someone actually getting murdered. Or maybe make Alex take the action here? "Alex uses his power to stop a murder, but now that his secret is revealed...] Alex risks revealing himself to save her. The aliens and their human lackeys, led by Caleb Drake, begin stalking him.

Caleb Drake is a Teleck too, working for the aliens, hunting down others of his kind. [This doesn't deserve it's own paragraph. In fact, it could be combined with the last sentence of the previous paragraph.]

Alex is no match for Drake. He flees and locates other Telecks hiding in a compound. They are waiting, training, preparing. [For what? Without specifics, there is no punch to this. It doesn't have to be detailed, just something like...preparing to attack the aliens, or preparing to overthrow the government. Something to give us an idea of what's going on.]

After an alien blitzkrieg attack on the compound, Alex takes control of a small group of Telecks. He knows they may be the only ones who can stop the aliens’ benign takeover of earth. By taking the fight to them, Alex is setting himself on a collision course with Caleb Drake.

But Drake is not the ultimate enemy, and to Alex’s surprise, neither are the aliens. [These last couple of paragraphs fell flat for me. I mean, they show there's a really awesome story in here, but I'm not getting a sense of urgency I need to really *care* about this.]


I look forward to hearing from you.


Jason


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How to submit: ( Clicky )

Jenny Rappaport is looking for an assistant.

This means at the end of the year, I'll be stepping down from my post as slush reader in order to focus more on my own writing. I've really enjoyed my time with The Rappaport Agency. I've learned a lot, and made a lot of new friends.

Jenny's looking for someone who wants to be an agent eventually. (Which is not me.) The job description follows:

The Rappaport Agency, LLC is looking for a smart, hard-working, book-loving assistant with good organizational skills for our Freehold, NJ office. Responsibilities include evaluating manuscript submissions, writing revision letters, communicating with authors and editors, and learning the ins and outs of the publishing process. The Rappaport Agency, LLC offers a comprehensive introduction to the world of book publishing and mentorship by Jenny Rappaport, an experienced literary agent.

A love of genre fiction, particularly science fiction and fantasy, is a must for this position. Ideally, a dedicated period of time as an assistant will lead to future employment as a literary agent. Although the position can be partially filled through telecommuting, serious applicants will be able to travel to our office at least once a week. Cat allergy sufferers should be aware that the office contains a cat.

This is a part-time position with a small amount of financial compensation.

Please send all resumes and cover letters by e-mail to jenny@rappaportagency.com with the subject line "Assistant".

If you have a question about the position, please go ask on Jenny's blog, which I linked above. If you have a question about me (because it's all about me!), ask here.

Queries: 85
Requests: 2 partials
In my inbox: 3 fulls

--

Just when I was thinking I might have to come up with a real topic this week, I got another crazy person. This one replied to my form rejection thusly:

Dear Jodi meadows,

Thank you for responding to my letter. I'm going to be contacting other agents, seeking representation for my horror / thriller novel. In your opinion, what query letter sounds the best, the one you just got done reading or the one listed below.. Even though it's a subjective business, I'm still curious to hear your thoughts. In addition, please let me know how the publishing industry is doing right now, comparing it to the past three years, before the current financial crisis shocked the world. During these times, is it an easy or hard time to get a book published?

The second version of the query letter is as follows:

I won't quote his second query letter. Here's how I responded:

Hi [name],

I'm not going to answer your questions, but I am going to let you know that this isn't an appropriate way to respond to a rejection. I'm neither your friend nor your agent, so these aren't something you should be asking me. Rather, find a friend who's good at queries and ask them. Do a Google search on the state of the industry. (Hint: it's *always* hard to get published unless you want to self-publish.) Read agent blogs. There's a lot of information out there if you look.

I'd advise against emailing other agents with these requests.

A little terse, maybe, but surely I didn't deserve this:

Dear Jodi,

My response had nothing to do with your rejection letter, as you've indicated. You need to be more professional, especially when putting something in writing. You're representing a literary agency, not yourself. This is much bigger than you. I nice person would have answered the questions in a professional manner, one without being rude, short, and abrasive. Your comments reflect bad on the agency.

I do hope you learn from this and please don't contact me again.

Please don't contact him again? Er, likewise, buddy. Welcome to the blacklist. Then again, I could send him a bill for consultation, since a professional would have answered his questions...

I don't think I need to go through all the reasons this is an inappropriate way to speak to anyone. (And before anyone says, "Jodi, don't you know better than to reply to the first email?" Yes, I do. But as I've said before, apparently I like pain. I also want to try to keep these people from spilling their crazy on other agents. I don't know if it works, but I've got to try.)

--

Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, unless otherwise noted, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

--

#14 (I've read this one before.)

Dear Jodi:


Apparently, killing her lover once wasn't enough to satisfy the gods. [Love this!] Ashayna has been reborn to finish the task she failed in a previous life—a life she does not remember. [This part doesn't ring quite as strong for me, but it *is* hard to follow up that awesome first sentence.]

Ashayna's destiny lies dormant until a sentient magic [Neat.] awakens within her, and unlike the usual threats a soldier encounters, [Not sure I like "The usual threats". I think it's because there's already so many cool things going on in here, I don't want there to be anything *usual* or *typical*. That's boring. I want to believe that anything can happen.] she can't defeat this or beat it into submission. [This part gives her a slightly violent bent in my head.] She pretends the magic doesn't exist, but it refuses to be ignored and [I'd snip the ideas before this: her ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist. Those are passive actions. Let's get to the part where it manipulates her.] manipulates her into seeking out Sorntar, Crown Prince of the Phoenix. He reveals what motivates her magic, [This phrase is a little unclear. I get it, but it could be snappier.] and if she can trust the word of a male that's more avian than man, [Snappier? Is there a reason that male is specified here? (If she hates men, fine, I'd leave it, but be aware that's what I think when I get to this point.) What about "If she can trust someone who's more avian than human..."?] she and Sorntar are hosts to creatures of vast power—a bonded Larkin pair.

Forced into the bonding against their will, ["Forced" and "Against their will" are redundant.] Ashayna and Sorntar have every reason to hate each other, but when accused of possessing Larkins corrupted by an ancient evil, they must work together to discover what happened in the past to pit bondmate against bondmate. Through shared dangers and the intimacy of their bond, Ashayna comes to love Sorntar. Before she can tell him, Sorntar's tainted Larkin awakens and enslaves him. Ashayna has faced many battles in her life, but she doesn't have the will to kill her beloved a second time, even if that is what the gods demand. [Neat.]

IN DECEPTION'S SHADOW is an epic fantasy, completed at 118 000 words.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Lisa

--

#15

Dear Jodi,

At the beginning of her senior year, Sadie signs up for a writing class in an attempt to confront her deep-seated insecurities, unaware that these insecurities mask a power within her so great that it has the potential to create--or destroy--an entire universe. [Neat! I like the universe-destroying. But can we snappify this sentence? I suspect a lot of it could be cut!]

When a provocative encounter with her handsome writing teacher generates taboo fantasies about the nature of their mentor-student relationship, [Yikes...] Sadie's doubts about her self-worth become tangled up with a desire to please her newfound crush no matter what the consequences may be. [This is kind of squicky for me.] [Just an observation, but so far we have two paragraphs, and two sentences. I love long sentences as much as the next girl, but it is also important to vary structures and length so reading isn't a chore! And remember that an agent is going to be reading this quickly. Make it easy to read.]

Sadie's teacher pushes their relationship further and further beyond accepted boundaries [Eeeee. Not okay! Not okay! (For me. This is where we get into subjective business.)] as he encourages her to abandon everything in her life to serve his purpose; [He reads like a total abuser. Why did she fall for him? And where is the universe-desteroying I was promised earlier?] a purpose that will draw out the power hibernating within her, whether or not Sadie is ready to embrace it. [Can this be more specific? Vague is vague.]

MUSE is a Young Adult Fantasy novelette of approximately 25,000 words. [Keep in mind most agencies don't represent novelettes.] Per the submission guidelines listed on the _____ Agency website, the first ____ pages are included below.

I am currently the Senior Editor and Creative Director of Go! Media Entertainment, a publisher of Japanese manga and American graphic novels which focuses on the YA demographic. I am in charge of selecting all properties, editing all book projects, and overseeing the script adaptations of all Japanese translations. [This is unnecessary, but it's kind of neat anyway.]

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. [Snip this last sentence. No one likes to feel rushed.]

Sincerely,

Audry Taylor

--

How to submit: ( Clicky )

Queries: 93
Requests: none!
In my inbox: 2 queries to chat with Jenny about, 4 partials, 3 fulls

--

Someone was kind enough to mouth off at me this week so I'd have a full slush stats post for you. Wasn't that thoughtful of them?

Titles removed for the sake of ethics.

In response to my form rejection:

I thought you liked these genres. Anyway, twenty minutes before you responded, an agency in New York sent me its response as quickly as you did. Here was their reply:

The idea sounds chilling. I'm interested to see where this all leads. I'd like to request the first three chapters of [title]. Please send it in a .doc attachment and hit "reply all" so we have an extra copy on file.

My reply:

Just because we represent a genre doesn't mean all books within that genre are for us. We can only request what enchants and inspires us.

At any rate, it's rude and unprofessional to respond as you've done. I'm glad someone else has shown interest in your book, but it's unnecessary to lash back when I've politely told you your book isn't right for us. Please do not respond in such a way again.

His reply:

My reply was not vitriolic. But let me understand this correctly...you've agented books that deal with zombies and vampires but [idea] are of no interest?!! You'll excuse me if I just shake my head at that. I think ten million people would shake their heads at that. It very much seems now that your comments leading off your reply to me are disingenuous in the extreme. At this point, I really don't know whether Jenny even saw my query. Perhaps you don't like [idea] stories no matter how well they may sell.

So, I guess that means that if Stephen King queried you per [title], you would've turned him down, too.

My final reply:

This is going to be the last time I reply to you. I'm not going to take the time again. I'm replying now because I don't want you to reply like this to other agents. They have enough to deal with.

Your previous response was rude. It's akin to asking someone on a date, and when they say no, you saying, "I'm a guy. Don't you like guys? Anyway, that girl over there already said she'd date me." Just because one person said yes doesn't mean everyone must. Tastes vary. Please take that into account when querying.

Yes, we've represented books about zombies and so on. We don't have anything against [idea]. In fact, I like that idea. However, the story, the execution, the premise, the characters -- all of that has to work for us in order for us to want to see more. Just because we like, say, vampires and romance doesn't mean we enjoy TWILIGHT.

As to your question of whether Jenny saw your query: No. That's my job. I read queries on her behalf. I'm paid to do this. I know her tastes, and I request what she would like.

If Stephen King had queried us with [title], I would have asked Jenny if she'd like to see it, the writer being Stephen King and all, and therefore a for sure sale. You are not Stephen King. You are not a for sure sale.

Again, this is my last reply to you. Further emails will be deleted. Please don't send emails to other agents like the ones you've sent me.

Fortunately, this was the last email, though every time the mail notification binged, I dreaded what it would bring. That said, jimhines wrote this. It's true. It makes me laugh.

Queries: 105
Requests: 12 partials, 1 full
In my inbox: 3 queries I need to check with Jenny on, 7 partials, 3 fulls

I know. You wouldn't believe I spent the whole week reading submission if you went by these stats. I don't blame you. But it's the truth. Sunday I read all my partials, and Monday-Thursday I read five or six fulls. (I'm so exhausted from it I can't even remember how many there were.) And Friday I read three newly requested partials.

No lie. By Thursday, there was nothing older than four days in my inbox. Even now, the oldest thing is September 14th. That's from Monday.

So what happened? Why do I still have all these things in my inbox? I'll tell you what happened! Slush! That's what happened! New requests! *pulls out hair*

Technically, I'm caught up. I read all the things (and more) I meant to read. But that's just temporary, because before I know it, next week is going to be gone and I'm still going to have a few dozen things in my inbox and no memory of how they came to be there.

On the other hand, I did find three amazing fulls, which I sent to Jenny, and some partials I liked enough to read more. So this is only as traumatic as I make it sound because there's so much of it.

--

Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

--

#12

Dear Jodi:

One moment in 1959 Chuck McManis is strolling the geyser boardwalks [The phrasing in here made me stop and reread. Can this be clearer?] in Yellowstone National Park, and the next an earthquake plunges him back more than eighty years into the wilderness and his family’s past – to become the great-grandfather he’d idolized since he was a boy. [This is neat. And weird. And kind of familiar. Did I read this on the OWW? Anyway, I see what the writer is going for: One moment, and then the next--! But there are too many details in the way to give it the snap it wants. I'd suggest doing away with details, or changing the way the information is presented in order to keep this clear and focused.]

Nobody’d ever told Chuck, a college dropout and self-described failure, that the stories about his hero were fabrications from start to finish. [Having trouble with nobody'd ever told him. Because why would they?] That he’d need instructions for sheer survival. [Considering people probably weren't expecting him to get transported back in time, I can't see why anyone would tell him this, either.] Or lessons in escaping from Indians. [Same here. (And not to be the PC police, but...Native Americans.)] He does know he can’t abandon Emma Cowan, the woman who saved his life. [Okay, I like this.] By the time they struggle back to civilization, 1870s style, Chuck has discovered courage and competence he never knew he possessed, not to mention happiness he didn’t believe existed. [Not sure the transition into this is clear. We had a whole lot about things people didn't tell him, and one sentence about a woman saving his life. And now he's happier than ever. Perhaps more of "Chucks dreams of his childhood hero are dashed, but he learns how to do all this other stuff when there's no choice if he wants to survive."] Then comes the risk, and the opportunity, to fulfill the legacy he’d left for himself the last time around, and he must face decisions he never wanted to make, that could cause him to lose not only his own life, and Emma’s, but to kill those he loved in his future before they ever had a chance to live. [This is making my brain do backbends.]

Repeating History, at 115,000 words, is based on an episode in the history of Yellowstone National Park, [O.o] including the the Nez Perce Indians’ flight to Canada in 1877, and firsthand accounts by the early tourists they captured along the way. [I know you've probably done more research, but this would make me wonder if this episode is the *only* research.] Yellowstone’s history is extraordinarily rich, and fiction set in our national parks has a good track record (Nevada Barr, C.J. Box). Repeating History taps into this interest, but with a different twist . [Aside from the title, wordcount, and genre (which doesn't seem to be mentioned here), I'd suggest cutting this paragraph. Let the story grab me, not the research.]

I am a member of Women Writing the West. I have worked as a reference librarian for many years. My undergraduate degree is in literature and history, and I have a master’s degree in library science.

May I send you a few chapters of Repeating History? [Unnecessary. Agents know what you want. :) ]

Sincerely,

mmegaera

--

#13 (Full disclosure: I did read this one a couple months ago back on the Query Contest for Miss Snark's First victim.)

Dear Jodi,

Seventeen-year-old [*falls over with joy* Someone knows how to use hyphens in ages. My faith in punctuation is restored.] Amy has no desire to become one of the first colonists on a new planet--but her parents do. [Neat.] So [Snip.] she agrees to be cryogenically frozen for the journey, even though that means giving up the life she loves on Earth.

Three hundred years later, Elder begins his training as leader of the space ship, part of the generations of people who live and die during the centuries-long voyage in order to keep the ship running. [This sentence could use some snapping-up. It makes sense, but it's hard to get through quickly.] Although he hates being encased by the metal walls of the ship, [But he doesn't know anything else, right? And it's not like he has options.] he lives with the hope of planet-landing before he dies. [Now this strikes me right.]

He has no idea the ship holds a cargo of cryogenically frozen people. [Makes me wonder why they don't get to know.]

Then Amy wakes up fifty years early.

As Amy adjusts to life on a space ship without her still-frozen parents, she and Elder discover that her cryo chamber didn't malfunction--someone had tried to kill her, and is now succeeding as he unplugs more and more helplessly frozen victims. [Neat!] Desperate to find the killer before he gets to her parents, Amy must combine her knowledge of the past with Elder's knowledge of the ship and technology. Their digging leads to discoveries about how the ship's leaders have maintained control in the past...and why one man thinks the answer is to kill the cryogenically frozen people before they have a future. [This sentence is close, but it's not giving me the punch I think you want. I think it's too vague.]

Building on the suspense of being in a contained area as in Jeanne Du Prau's CITY OF EMBER and the philosophical implications of science in Mary Pearson’s THE ADORATION OF JENNA FOX, my novel, LONG WAY HOME, is a YA science fiction light on science but strong in character development. LONG WAY HOME is complete at 80,000 words.

I am currently a high school world literature teacher and an active member of SCBWI, having been published in and working as the copy editor of the state SCBWI magazine. Additionally, I run a blog on writing for MG and YA audiences which has over 250 subscribers. [I wish this number was high enough to mention, but unless you forgot a zero on the end of that, I don't think it's going to matter. Sorry.]

I am prepared to submit the entire manuscript upon your request. [Snip. If you're querying, the ms *should* be ready to send. And agents know why you're writing.] Thank you for your time and consideration with this project.

Sincerely,
Beth Revis
bethrevis.com
bethrevis.blogspot.com

--

How to submit: ( Clicky )

Whew. I'm tired, and I still have a couple more hours to go.

But now I am pleased to say that only one thing in my requested materials inbox is over a couple days old, and even that's only a week old. I'd say the crunch is over, but now I'm all filled up with partials again. I could -- and probably will -- get most of them this week, but my dream of an empty inbox looks so far away again. *siiiigh*

Right now, it's time for food, TV, and yarn.

Queries: 93
Requests: 1 partial, dark paranormal romance; 1 full, YA urban fantasy
In my inbox: 4 partials, 6 fulls (plus the one that hasn't arrived yet)

I'm going to start reading all these materials ON MONDAY. Get ready. It's gonna be crazy.

--

So last month I rejected someone. The query was long, no white space (we talked about that last week, remember?), and rambley. I did what I'd normally do in those situations: command-v. Form letter.

Yesterday, I got an email thanking me for a response from "one of my people" on a previous manuscript, and here were the first few pages on his new manuscript as an attachment. It'd be great if we could option/sell it for a movie.

Um.

My reply:

Please note that I do not open unsoclicited attachments. If you have a query you'd like me to read, please send it in the body of an email, per the guidelines on our agency website.

Simple, right? WRONG. Names and titles omitted to protect the guilty.

I had already sent [title] to your agency--which you can see in the below original email from you--which they turned down. I don't remember name of agent--He/she knew I would be sending them this. At least I mentioned it when I sent original of [title]. [New title] [genre] novel is not unsolicited in that sense, but I will include a bit of it in body of this email--see at bottom of this email. The first attachment I sent is perfectly okay to open since they expected it. Thanks.
YOUR EMAIL SENT TO ME EARLIER:
Dear [writer],

Thank you for submitting your query to The Rappaport Agency. While your proposal shows merit, I'm afraid it's not right for us. As I'm sure you know, this is a very subjective business, and no doubt another agent will feel differently. Best of luck in your writing
career.

That looks-- Well huh. That looks like my form letter. Which means, basically, "Don't send more."

My reply:

I'm the person who turned down the original query. Mentioning another book in the first query doesn't mean I want to see a partial for another. It means you need to send a query letter for your second book, rather than assume I want to read it. If I did not specifically say 'please send your work', then it is unsolicited.

As for your materials, I'm afraid this isn't for us. If you have another work you'd like us to consider, please send a query letter with no attachments. We will let you know if we want to see pages.

At this point, a reasonable person would probably give me time to forget their name, right? No. Five minutes later, there was a query in my inbox. I let that one sit overnight, because wow, how much did I not want to bother with that person?

And this, my friends, is how you become someone an agent (and her assistant) does not want to work with.

--

No query project today. I think I need a nap. Or more coffee.

Queries: 102
Requests: 2 partials, YA fantasy
In my inbox: 1 partial, 5 fulls

A quick note on requested material: You might have noticed there's a bit in there. I got through all the old partials, but I'm behind on fulls. My plan is to finish the pass of revisions I'm doing on my story by September 13. (I'm open to public mockery if I'm not done.) And then I'm going to read ALL the requested materials the week of September 14. So if you're waiting on something, hang out until then (unless you have an offer, then email immediately). I hate that I'm so behind, but at this point, I need to focus on one thing or the other. Trying to do both is getting nothing done.

--

Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

--

#9

Dear Ms. Meadows:

I’m seeking representation for my YA paranormal romance manuscript, IMMORTAL ISLAND, of 118,000 words in length. [Nice start. For snappier, I'd cut "manuscript" and "in length." It's not a huge deal, but they're extra words, and I hope there won't be extra words in the writing itself.]

In my book, [Snip! Unnecessary!] Athela’s family has guarded a secret treasure from the world for centuries, [Yeah, there is a bit of scaffolding showing. Some doesn't matter -- it happens -- but I'm seeing it in every sentence so far. Even if it's not *wrong*, I would be wary the writing is going to be floppy.] and to keep their secrets, she and her two cousins (Kallista and Apollo) know they must never let their guards down… until Jade and Xander show up. [You've just introduced a ton of names. I hope you're not expecting me to keep track of these people.] She feels an instant and inexplicable pull towards them, but she quickly learns they have secrets of their own. Soon, her peaceful world is changed forever when her family gets pulled in the middle of a deadly immortal war. [Neat. (Though I'm having some trouble with deadly immortal war and how that works. Remember, what's obvious to you isn't always obvious to those who haven't read the story.]

On the other side of this war, high school basketball star, Nathaniel, [Eee. More people. This query needs focus! I mean, I know it's a romance so we're going to get heroine/hero stories for the query, but there are six people in this.] has greater challenges than just shooting winning three-pointers. On top of having to hide what he is from his classmates, he’s spent the past ten years searching for an end to the brutal war that began with the murders of his mother and little sister. [Woo!] In his family’s search, they find more questions than answers, and they discover things aren’t what they seem. To further complicate things, he has fallen for one of the enemies; only, he doesn’t know it yet. [I'm a fan of falling for the enemy, but this blurb didn't work for me. I needed snappier sentences, clearer focus, and more specifics, like what is this secret they've been keeping, and why should I care about the treasure?]

This is my second completed manuscript, but the first I’ve sought representation for. [Cut that sentence. We don't want to know how many mss you've written.] I think readers will enjoy the three sections of this book, as each represents a different face of the war through the eyes of a teen. [I'm not clear on what this means. My first thought was three POVs, one in each third, but I hope that's not it.]

Please let me know if you would be interested in reading more of IMMORTAL ISLAND. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you. [Nice, snappy end.]

Sincerely,


CLG

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#10

Dear Jodi: [My first impression is a lack of white space. These paragraphs are hefty!]

I hope you will consider reviewing my manuscript, [I will. That's my job!] a young-adult novel called Making the Sorceress Queen. The novel begins with a historical premise, but the mysteries surrounding the historical (or, strictly speaking, prehistorical) period in question make this book as much a fantasy as an historical fiction. [This is starting to ramble. I'm looking for the story, not how it came to be.] History gets us this far: in the third century, a Chinese envoy visited some part of what is now Japan and found a collection of formerly warring provinces that were united under the rule of a female shaman called Himiko. [Is this the story?] This woman lived in a fortified palace with a thousand female attendants and would see only one man, her brother, who issued proclamations for her. Himiko has been called 'Japan's King Arthur' because this Chinese record represents the first known stirrings of widespread political unity in Japan. [This is interesting stuff, but is it the story you want to see if I'll read more of?]

How does a third-century woman come to consolidate Japan? Making the Sorceress Queen is my imagined answer to this question. [Okay, now we're getting to the story.] It is told in the voice of the queen's brother, Po. As the tale opens, [Not sure either of these last two bits are necessary, though I probably would have assumed it was from the queen's POV at first.] Io, who will become the queen Himiko, finds herself on the run from an assassin who killed her father, a minor local leader. Io's actions undoubtedly save her brother's life, but she can be a distant, troubled guardian, and it is the companionship of his dog, Honschi, which helps Po find his way to a fast-maturing adolescence during their time in hiding. But Io will not remain in the shadows for long. With the aid of Po and Honschi, she arrives in Kyūshū and stages her own rise to power. She is a magnificent warrior and a brilliant tactician, and knows how to use belief and fear as well as military might to complete her conquest. She is also, in her vulnerable moments, a young woman deeply scarred by the loss of her parents. Her brother Po is one of the few people she can trust, and perhaps the only one who may be able to help her find a peace to go with her power. [This is all nice stuff I'd expect to see in the story, but I'm not getting a sense of stakes and conflicts. You've already told us that she's going to become queen, so that kills that tension. Right now, this story isn't feeling personal. I suspect there's a lot of good stuff in it, but the query is drawn so far back from the characters, I'm not really in it. I haven't been given a reason to care. What if Io fails? And since we're in Po's POV, what happens to him if she fails? Does he want her to do this? What are the complications?]

In the style of The Rappaport Agency, I have pasted the first five pages of the manuscript below, though all but the prologue is perhaps best left beyond the scope of the blog. The complete manuscript numbers 64,000 words in 200 pages – sixteen chapters in all. [Cut the part about pages and chapters. That doesn't matter. Only wordcount.] Thank you very much for your time and consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Carolyn J. Dekker (galorette

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#11

Dear Ms. Rappaport and Ms. Meadows,

Oddball couple Chen and Lynne, insecure high school student Emily and skeptical pot dealer Nicholas have only one thing in common: they’re the sole witnesses to the brutal murder of Emily’s brother. [Sorry, I've already gone cross-eyed with the number of characters and names. I get that people think they're necessary, and maybe they are, but when I'm running through queries, I don't have the brain to keep all these people in my head.] Less than a day after it happens, they find themselves wielding magic they never even believed in. They’ve inherited his abilities – but they were never his to pass on. [Hmm, Could be interesting.]

With nearly half of wielders worldwide stripped of their magic, bloodthirsty hunters will stop at nothing to get it back. [I just reread the first paragraph to see how we get here from there. I'm still not sure. How does stripping of magic fit in with a murder and accidental passing-on of magic? There's something missing between these ideas.] Chen, Lynne, Emily and Nicholas are all-too-happy to oblige. There’s just one problem: only Emily’s brother knew the secret to transferring magic violence-free. [So that's why we have the murder? Still feeling like I'm missing something.] The only way left to gain someone’s power is to kill them. [Ahh. Yes, I can see how that's a problem.] Now on the run with mysterious guide Sara, [O.O] they have to find a way to lose their magic before it means the end of them. [Okay, I like that idea. Still needing a few extra things to get the flow back together.]

Every day living with power is another day tempted by it. [Whups. I thought the last bit was it.] Already unstable, Lynne grows less and less willing to part with her new abilities. Chen struggles to reconcile his faith with his new experiences and has to deal with the horrific vision of his girlfriend murdering an innocent. Emily breaks off from the group, unwilling to lie low with her brother’s murderer still out there. Nicholas just wants to return to his old life with his sorry hide intact – but with both the regular authorities and the Mentors of the wielders world infiltrated, and Sara refusing to divulge the employer who hired her to keep the four of them safe, who can they really trust? [So this is everybody's story equally? I can see how that would make writing the query difficult. I suspect it even makes writing the story difficult. As a reader, I tend to get focused on one or two characters and annoyed when we go away from them. Making me care that strongly about four characters will be a huge challenge.]

My contemporary fantasy novel WIELDERS stands at 90000 words.

Born and bred in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, I’m a Dutch-to-English translator by day and portrait artist by night. I've previously had a short story published in the December 2008 issue of UNDERGROUND VOICES magazine.

Thank you for your time,

Corinne Duyvis
www.corinneduyvis.net
< insert contact info >


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How to submit: ( Clicky )

Queries: 93
Requests: 2 partials: 1 horror, 1 science fantasy; 1 full resubmission
In my inbox: 2 queries, 4 partials, 5 fulls (oh apostrophes!)

--

In this post from Jenny, she says that no means no. As in, if you receive a rejection, that's it. Please don't resubmit it unless one of us specifically asks.

To add to that, I want to say I'm sorry. I wish I could read multiple drafts of people's novels and help them get it right, but I don't have time. I barely have time for the new material I ask for, and it's not fair to them if I keep spending so much time on old submissions.

Write new books. Query those. They're going to be better than the first one, anyway.

--

I was going to do a round of the query project today, but I got home late and don't have time. I'll get a double dose next week.

Over at Fire Drill, there's the Seven Stages of Query Grief. Go read that instead!

Queries: 116
Requests: 2 partials, SF and YA/UF, 1 full resubmission
In my inbox: 5 partials, 5 fulls

--

All these things have happened. Usually more than once.

Things I have never rejected a query for:

Typos
Dear Agent
Incorrect formatting
Rhetorical questions
Dear [some other agent]
Hot pink font
Comic sans
Lack of synopsis/sample pages*
Accidentally hitting strikethrough on everything
Author is a teenager
Author is older than my grandma
Capslock
Title
Character names
Saying "fiction novel" or "fantasy fiction"
Misspelled names (Rapport, Rapapport, Jodie, Jody)


Things I have totally rejected a query for:

Query blasting service
Something we don't represent (genre, screenplays, things shorter than a novel)
Query-spamming
Sending unsolicited materials
Attachments (pages, graphics, whatever)
Querying one ms, then another five minutes later
Author is rude and condescending in their letter
Query doesn't include a summary of their work, just request for representation
Someone "representing" the author is querying on their behalf

*That said, sometimes I'm so-so on the query and look for the sample pages, but they're not there. Sometimes I feel generous and request anyway, but most of the time I don't bother. I have more than enough to read.

--

What should you take away from this? Little mistakes won't hurt you (at least with me), but the more you do right, the more you show you're a professional. Similarly, the fewer mistakes you make...the more you show you're a professional. And that counts for a lot.

As far as age and that sort of thing? I honestly don't care how old you are. If you don't tell me, I probably won't figure it out. Professionalism trumps age.

--

More query project. Please see details on other entries if you'd like to send your query. As usual, I haven't read this before now, and my comments are in [brackets] . These are my reactions as I read.

New: I appreciate everyone who's taken to commenting on these. It's been really interesting seeing what other people think, too. If you've sent a query and are hoping for other readers to comment as well, please begin leaving feedback on other queries to spread the feedback love.

--

#8

Dear Jodi,

Mavis Gamble is an ordinary girl who is accused of an unforgivable crime - using magic. [Okay, yes. I like this. Illegal magic isn't unusual, but this has punch.]

Magic has been outlawed in the country of Lorfal and the last mage was put to death many years before Mavis was born, [this didn't flow quite as well as the last. I was expecting it to go "magic has been outlawed...since the last mage was put to death" or something, and my eyes tripped when I didn't get that. Also, yay put to death!] so when she discovers her small [snip?] gift of foresight, she knows it can't possibly be related to that awful power that history books describe as the evil of magic. [How? This is almost there, but a few connecty bits are still missing to give this the convincing authority it needs.] But when she rescues a child under strange circumstances, [be specific. "Strange circumstances is pretty normal around magic. Does she foresee a baby on train tracks and goes to the rescue?] her actions are brought to the attention of the Conclave and Mavis is sentenced to death. [Awesome.]

Tallus Galbraith, Duke of Glenmoor, bored aristocrat and sometime spy, [Too much. Duke Tallus Galbraith, bored aristocrat..."?] is charged with orchestrating the escape of Miss Gamble, [By "charged" I thought you meant like in court because he tried and failed already] and he is downright skeptical of her abilities. As they flee for the safety of the border, Mavis and Tallus are pursued by the forces of the Conclave. [This sentence doesn't flow cleanly from the last. How did we get from Tallus's skepticism to fleeing? I'd cut the skepticism.] Mavis has to deal with the unpredictability of her hidden power, and Tallus begins to discover there is more to the unremarkable Miss Gamble than meets the eye as he reluctantly falls in love with her. [Yay love! But this ending could still use some punch. It ends with love, not conflict. Give us the stakes. What happens if they don't succeed? (Death, of course, but it never hurts to remind me.)]

Resonance [All caps] is a completed fantasy romance of 90,000 words that follows Mavis and Tallus through two countries where together they uncover a plot to bring war and ruin to their home. Mavis's magic is the key that saves Lorfal in the end, but only when Tallus, her lover, accepts that they can never return home because of it. [This is cool stuff. Can we have this above, back where I asked for stakes? Its impact is weakened down here.]

Thank you for considering Resonance. I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind Regards,

clare009

Queries: 109
Requests: 0 - it was a hard week in queryland
In my inbox: 6 partials, 4 fulls

--

More query project stuff. Please see details on other entries if you'd like to send your query. As usual, I haven't read this before now, and my comments are in [brackets]. These are my reactions as I read.

--

#6

Dear Ms. Meadows,

If Claudia’s best friend, Selma, had never accidentally revealed that she could talk to plants, then she never would’ve been arrested.[This sounds familiar. I've read this before. Um. Authoress's query contest? At any rate, I don't see how talking to plants can get someone arrested. Half the people I know would be in jail. Heck, I would, too, and I don't garden.] Claudia wouldn’t have had to go after her or be imprisoned herself. [Not digging all these negative statements.] She never would’ve met Erik or escaped from the fire that killed the prison guards and supposedly both of the king’s sons – Erik being one of them. [Erik being a king's son is cool, but I had trouble following this sentence. Price of all the negative statements.]

If Claudia hadn’t discovered that she too had a special ability [Eek. More!]– to persuade people with words [That's a cool ability, but it needs to stand out more. It needs to be different than someone who's persuasive and good with words; a lot of people are like that.]– they wouldn’t have survived the fire, the king wouldn’t have committed suicide, and the power-hungry council wouldn’t have had the opportunity to steal the throne and plunge the world into another century of oppression. [A lot's happening here, and it sounds like interesting plot stuff, but it's all going on because of Selma's actions, while it sounds like Claudia is the main character. So Selma is the one making the plot go.]

But Selma did accidentally reveal that she could talk to plants, and the effects of the discovery are bigger than the two teenagers could imagine.

Andra [Pretty, but having trouble connecting that to the story given -- we didn't meet an Andra.] is a 90,000-word young adult fantasy. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Rachel

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#7

Dear Jodi,

I am hoping you will consider my 110.[Should that be a comma, or is this really 100 words?]000 word fantasy novel 'The Dreamer's Friend' [Titles get underlined, italicized, or ALL CAPS. Quotes are for short stories, articles, poems, and stuff.] for representation. The full manuscript is available immediately. [I sure hope so! If I ask for it, I don't want to have to wait.]


Being accepted by the Rhiaton Crowd was not a problem for Kinush. [More straightforward? Kinush didn't have a problem being accepted by the Rhiaton Crowd. Active sentences count in queries, too.]
Admittedly they had helped him to celebrate his elevation with a bath in the
sheep dip, [Ew.] but now their world of elegant balls and magical discussion was
wide open to him. [That sounds okay. This is starting to sound like a fraternity.] When the Crowd drive his boyhood friend Meriok into
hiding and his best friend [Comma before and? Otherwise I think his boyhood friend and best friend are the same person.] shows more interest in the cut of his sleeves than
the fate of his brother, [His best friend's brother? When did he get here?] Kinush must make a choice between all he ever
wanted and the friend he had served badly. [Hm. Right now, I don't have much sympathy for Kinush because he's snubbed his friends to get what he wants. I haven't been given a reason to care about him.]

But magic is more than an elegant pasttime: [I like that.] with the right spells a group of
mages could take down whole cities. Inevitably, the ambitions of the Rhiaton
Crowd begin to attract unwelcome attention. [Cool.]

As he gets more and more entangled in the politics of magic, Kinush - whose
idea of hardship is a bed at a country inn [Nope. Don't like him.] - finds himself camped in an olive
grove playing stare-me-down with two powerful mages, and he cannot
afford to blink... [Cool.]


I hold a master's degree in history and geography, which has fuelled my interest in imaginary worlds, and am currently working on a fantasy novel in a different setting.


Sincerely,
green_knight

Queries: 108
Requests: 3 fulls, plus the partials and full from the blog contest.
In my inbox: 6 partials, 3 fulls, plus another partial and full that haven't come in yet.

I've gone through a bunch of requested materials this week, but you couldn't guess that from my stats. I requested a bunch from the query contest at Miss Snark's First Victim's blog; there was a lot of great stuff in there, and it was really hard to choose just a few...so I chose a bunch. :P You can see the ones I chose here.

--

More queries today. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

I've also created a new tag for these, along with the usual slush stats tag. Query Project will hold these from now on, too. Instructions on how to submit are in the first two entries; I'll add them onto every few entries for new people.

--

#4

Dear Ms. Rappaport and Ms. Meadows,

As the human daughter of a warlock merchant and a shape-shifter, [quite the family Our Heroine has!] Lillian has plenty of reasons to hate magic. [Unexpected. Hatred is pretty strong for someone who must have grown up with it. Maybe it's a big pain, I can buy that, but hatred came as a surprise. I would have expected something like "a better understanding than most of the pitfalls of magic" or something.] The hellhound attack when she was six years old that left her badly scarred sits squarely at number one. [Ah, this explains it. This sentence is a little twisty. Could it be re-ordered to be more direct?] Now [snip] twenty years later, Lillian is halfway across the world, working as a help cook in an Amsterdam pancake restaurant. [Yum. Pancakes.] She’s determined to enjoy a blissfully magic-free life, [srsly] but even the Atlantic Ocean isn’t enough to separate her from her much-hated roots when her estranged mother shows up at her doorstep. [Good, good...] As it turns out, her dad is in danger: an old debt with some tricky fae made them take his house [The debt made them do it? Or because he didn't pay the debt?] – and his soul is next. [Excellent. Stakes and conflict. Now for the big question: will she help him because he's family? Or let him suffer? *g*]

Her job, relationship and apartment get put on the line as Lillian's conscience drags her kicking and screaming back into the life she’s tried to escape from. [This makes me like her. She doesn't want to, but she will because it's the right thing. Now...how can she help? She's human.] When she finds out the fae have much more ambitious plans than simply dealing in human souls, her safe Dutch haven isn't quite so safe anymore… Rogue fae try to kill her, [Yay conflict!] spriggans start chasing [Snip. Spriggans chase her.] her through the Amsterdam streets, and to top it all off, a couple of mentally unstable Germanic gods get dragged into the fray. [Sounds like buckets of fun.]

Like she needed more reasons to hate this world. [Seriously. I *am* curious about what she thinks she can do to help, though, since we've established she's human. Does she have special skills that will help her succeed in saving her father?]

At 95000 words, ALWAYS READ THE FAE PRINT is a light-hearted urban fantasy with a dash of cynophobia.

I live in Amsterdam where I work as a portrait artist and Dutch-to-English translator. [Nice. This totally gives you the creds to write a story set there.] A short story of mine was published in the December 2008 issue of UNDERGROUND VOICES magazine.

Thank you for your time,

Corinne Duyvis
www.corinneduyvis.net
corinneduyvis
< insert contact info >

--

#5

Dear Ms. Meadows,

When fifteen year old [Fifteen-year-old. Those hyphens are important (to me).] Madison Dixon's mother passed away, [Passed away is pretty gentle-sounding. Died in a fire? Was murdered?] she thought life couldn't get any worse. [Understandable!] Then her father remarried, [Eep, yeah, I bet that would be rough too. I wonder how long he waited.] and Madison learned just how wrong she had been. [This last phrase is totally snip-able. The first phrase is snappier without this.] Uprooted from her familiar New York City life and transplanted into a rambling country house in the middle of nowhere, Madison finds herself unable to fit in, and slowly realizes that neither her new town nor her new stepmother are quite what they seem. [Hm, intriguing.] Is someone really trying to kill her, [Since this comes right after her stepmother not being what she seems, I immediately assume the stepmother is trying to kill her.] or is it all in her head? [And it's not in her head.] And if it's the former, how can she hope to survive in a foreign land when no one, not even her own father, will believe her? [This sounds interesting, but I think it still needs a little more kick. You have room for maybe a few examples of how someone is attempting to kill her. Maybe, too, something about Madison taking action of her own at the end? She's going to find a way to prove her stepmother is out to kill her? Give her something to do, rather than react to everything that's happening to her.]

The Stepmother is a complete 75,000 word novel of supernatural suspense [I didn't get a sense of supernatural from the blurb. This is definitely something that needs to be in there.] set in Northern New York and Southern Ontario. My previous writing credits include a short story originally published in the critically-acclaimed periodical Nemonymous, and which later earned an Honorable Mention from Ellen Datlow in The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror for the year of its publication. [Good credentials.]

As per your agency guidelines, I have included a detailed synopsis as well as the first five pages of the manuscript, embedded in the body of this e-mail.

Thank you,
Jamie Rosen
kafkonia

--

As always, these are open to comments. You're free to disagree with anything I say, but the first sign of outright rudeness gets deleted without warning. Not that any regulars here are like that, of course. :)

Queries: 128
Requests: 5 partials: SF romance, YA fantasy, YA SF, fantasy, YA fantasy
In my inbox: 7 partials (plus the ones that haven't come in yet)

As a reminder, if you send requested materials, you should get a confirmation email in about 24 hours. If you don't get one, resend the materials. I want to make sure everyone's things arrive.

And if you send a query and don't get a reply within a week, resend. If you still don't get a reply, use a different email address. Yahoo email addresses bounce occasionally. We've looked into this, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about it; it's on Yahoo's side.

--

I'm a little behind this week with all the queries at Miss Snark's First Victim, so I'm going to post a few...special examples of queries written specifically for this project.

The sad thing is, I actually do receive queries like this.

My comments in [bold].

--

#2

I know we've never met [yeah...] but I read your blog, [that's good...] and I feel I can trust you to look at my book with unbiased eyes. [*coff* Okay. That is sort of the idea.] I KNOW YOU WILL WANT TO TO PASS THIS BOOK RIGHT TO JENNY!!! [Ow. Capslock, and over confidence. Confidence is good, but this is excessive.]

DEATH BY DREAMING is about 600,00 words long. [That's not a book. That's a fire hazard.] The plot lends itself to being split into two books so we can make more money by doing that. [Oh hurrah...] It is like Dune (only shorter and not as confusing) and has sexy elves like The Lord of the Rings, so it will be really popular. [I think this person just watched the LotR movies.] I can take out the sex if you think it would sell better to kids. [At 600k, it would probably crush a small child.]

I call it DEATH BY DREAMING because all the characters wake up to discover they only dreamed they died! [How...original...] It is a great plot twist and will keep readers on the edge of their seat with interest. There are two romances, and the sex scenes are pretty racy! [Oh boy.]

I'm sending you the entire manuscript under separate cover. [Wait, I didn't ask for that!] It's the only copy so please take care of it. [There's no excuse for this in the computer age.]

--

#3

I have written a book. [That's generally why people write to me.] I think it is very good and so do all my friends. [That only matters if your friends are Stephen King and JK Rowling.] It's about a woman who is in love with a man she can't marry because his family doesn't like her. [Okay, there's conflict at least...] They run away and get married anyway. [The conflict is short-lived.] Then she dies. [Heh, like the character!] To make it more interesting, I swapped all the gender roles so it's women who go out to work and men who stay home and have kids. [This is completely random. Also, if you have to mention something like this to make your book more interesting, it's generally...not interesting. And is the writer aware that men don't actually have the equipment for carrying a child?]

Let me know if you want me to have more sex scenes. [No, please no.] Also, I know what I want on the cover and I am sending you (attached) a drawing my friend did for you to use. [Writer needs to be informed that authors have no control over the covers, and publishers certainly aren't going to use their friend's drawings.]

--

Gee, thanks, cathemery, for all those great queries. You're a hero.

There are a few more, still, so I'll save them for a rainy day. Here's hoping they're all this special.

For actual queries and real comments, check out Miss Snark's First Victim. I'm up to about 23, now (started at number one), and I'm going to get through more today. amberdine and I (and our husbands) are going to Panera. I'll probably have my laptop for more query fun. While you're at the blog, take a look at her video and buy her ebook. Even if you already know about looking for agents, it's a good refresher course. I'm in the process of reading it m'self.

How to send: If you have something to send, please use my personal email address, rather than the agency email. Use either unicornprincess [at] gmail [dot] com or jodi.meadows [at] gmail [dot] com. "Dear Jodi" (or whatever) is preferable to "Dear Agent", but you don't have to personalize it.

Does this count as a real query? No. This is a totally separate thing, meant to educate and show blog readers my reactions to queries as I read. If I feel really positively toward a query, I might privately indicate they'd do well to make a real query to the agency, but that is not the goal of this exercise.

Is the offer open to anyone? Yes! If you have one, send it. Please make sure you mention it's for the blog. I'll be posting these on slush stats. People will be reading them. They may make comments. (People are free to disagree with my opinions as I go.) I'll make sure everyone remains civil, but if you can't take criticism, don't send.

Will you get to all of them? It depends how many I receive. I'll do as many as I can, probably a couple every week, depending on whether or not I have a topic, and I'm going to try to use the ones I feel will benefit the masses.

Does the genre matter? No. Even if TRA doesn't represent what you write, you can still send your query. This is totally separate from regular submissions. However, since I'm just a human, I have likes and dislikes. I'll do my best to be unbiased, but chances are splatterpunk horror isn't going to draw me in as much as fantasy. My reactions are going to reflect that.

If you want me to link back to your blog or website, make sure you include that link. If you want to be anonymous or sign as your blog name, that's fine too. Just make sure you let me know what you want to be. :)

If you have questions, please ask in the comments.

Today, for a number of reasons, has been kind of tough. Most of them I don't want to get into in public, but one thing...

A few days ago, I rejected someone. As I do most days. This person wrote back, frustrated they'd already received five rejections and couldn't understand why no one wanted to read their book. They worked hard on it! Surely someone would want to read it. They were thinking about trunking the book.

I wrote back and told them to send out at least 100 queries before they decided to trunk their book, and meanwhile, start writing the next, since it will inevitably be better than the first, and the next book even better than that. If you don't get at least a couple requests out of, say, fifteen queries, rewrite the query letter.

The writer replied with a thanks, and a revised query letter and asked me to reconsider. I read the revised version, and told them that while it was better, the book still wasn't for us. I tried again to be encouraging, and sent a link to give them help on the query letter, since they were trying to revise.

I got another email early this afternoon. The writer said they got another rejection, in addition to mine, and they'd decided to quit writing because it wasn't worth it. And then they thanked me for helping them realize they should give up.

I keep alternating between feeling irritated and responsible for this person deciding to quit writing, even though I know the latter is irrational. I can't control another person's decisions, and I can only do so much to help. I can offer information and encouragement, but that's not my job. That's extra. My job is to read the slush and decide what to do with it, not give pep-talks or tell people how to write queries. I wish I could. I wish I could help everyone, but the truth is, I don't have time. I just can't do it.

And when I get letters like this, kind of passive-agressivly telling me how their quitting is my fault, I do take it to heart, even when I know I shouldn't.

I don't think I'm the only assistant/agent who ends up feeling like this when someone drops their baggage on the doorstep.

One day when I'm rich and famous and totally over my own angst, I'll tell the world how many times I've been rejected (more than five), but until then, please know that I do empathize. I know how hard rejections are, especially when you're not sure what you're doing wrong, but writing back to say you quit? Please don't do that.

Quit if you like. No one can make you write or send queries. But if someone tries to help you, don't throw it back in their face. Don't tell them they just wasted time spent emailing and looking up links and rereading queries.

'Cause it doesn't make us happy.